April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. While a growing conversation is happening in our country, thanks in part to the #MeToo movement, there is still stigma and misunderstanding surrounding being a survivor of sexual assault.

I came to be a boudoir photographer as a survivor of sexual assault myself, and it is a regular occurrence for clients to initially reach out or share at some point during our working relationship that they are a survivor too. Much of the inner work that happens with clients who have boudoir sessions involves healing a relationship with their sexuality that has for some reason been disconnected or fractured – sexual assault being one of those reasons.

Sadly, our culture can sometimes conflate being confident or expressive in our sexuality with “asking for” sexual assault. This is not true, and that is part of the reason that my work is so important to me. Our bodies are our own, our sexuality and sexual expression are our own, and they are never invitations for violence against us.

The following are some statistics from RAINN (Rape and Incest National Network), as well as some resources if you’ve experienced sexual assault and want to get help. The following information may be triggering for some, so take good care of yourself if you decide to continue reading.

1. Sexual assault can happen to anyone.

Every 68 seconds in America, someone is sexually assaulted. Contrary to the belief that sexual assault only happens to young adult women, 2.78 million men are sexually assaulted each year (it is suspected that the number is actually much larger, but many assaults go unreported because of societal narratives about manhood and homophobia). Each year, it is estimated that 60,000 children are sexually assaulted. While statistics have been difficult to gather about sexual abuse of elders and persons with disabilities, according to Nursing Home Abuse Justice, 20,000 elderly individuals have been sexually assaulted in the last 20 years, and from 2013 to 2016, more than 1,000 nursing homes in the U.S. were cited for sexual abuse. There is no profile of a person that is guaranteed protection against being sexually assaulted. 

2. The circumstances under which sexual assault occur in movies and on TV don’t accurately depict what sexual assault typically looks like.

Most of us have seen many Hollywood depictions of sexual assault, and unfortunately the media we consume can and does influence what we think sexual assault looks like or who is a “typical” target of an attack. We see depictions of a stranger jumping out of the shadows at night while someone is walking alone, or see dramatizations of sex workers who fall victim to an overzealous customer. While these kinds of assaults do happen, most sexual assault is committed by someone the victim knows and 55% of sexual assaults happen at or near the victim’s own home.  48% of assaults happened to victims while they were asleep or performing another activity at home.

3. Sexual assault isn’t about sex; it’s about power.

Cultural and religious factors often teach us that showing our bodies, having a healthy relationship with our sexuality or otherwise “not being modest” is to blame for sexual assault. But sexual assault is the fault of the person committing the act, not the fault of the person they attack. For many people, this can be the most difficult thing to understand. Again, media often portrays victims of sexual assault as either seductive or reckless, so it’s common for victims who report sexual assault to be asked what they were wearing or if they were drinking at the time of the attack. Regardless of what a person was wearing or doing at the time they were assaulted, sexual assault is not about sex, and sexual abusers don’t attack people because they “can’t get sex any other way.” Respectful people who care about right and wrong do not decide to rape someone because of the way they are dressed or because they see someone under the influence of a substance, and many people experience sexual assault when they’re children, are dressed modestly, are sober, and/or are minding their own business. Sexual assault is about overpowering another person and is not about sex; sexual assault is simply the means by which an attacker chooses to try to find a sense of power.

4. Most sexual assaults are not reported, and of those that are, a vast majority of perpetrators will not go to jail or prison. 

There are many wrong beliefs we hold about what a victim of sexual assault would do, and how our justice system works. Most sexual assaults are never reported to the police, for reasons varying from fear of retaliation to the victim’s belief that they caused the attack. And for those who do report, most do not get the justice they are hoping for. Out of every 1,000 sexual assaults, 975 perpetrators will walk free. Narratives about false reporting also run rampant in our society, reliant on the belief that reporting or prosecuting an attacker is based on lies made up by the victim to try to hurt or ruin the life of someone who made them angry. In reality, the statistics surrounding false sexual assault reports are as low as 3% and most findings place the highest statistics at less than 10%. 


5. If you’ve been sexually assaulted, you’re not alone and help is out there.

Sexual assault has a way of isolating us and making us believe we are all alone in our pain. While resources vary based on where you may live, it’s important to believe yourself and to reassure yourself that what happened to you was not your fault. It may be helpful on your healing journey to educate yourself about sexual assault, or it might not. But, having a support network of people who understand is essential. Finding a therapist you trust and a support group (either online or in-person) can surround you with people who identify with the pain you’re going through and can help you develop skills to grow stronger.

Resources for Sexual Assault Survivors

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

RAINN (Rape and Incest National Network): rain.org

After Silence (message board and chat room for survivors) aftersilence.org

The Safe Helpline (for military members) 1-877-995-5247